March 23, 2018

Never Let'em See You Stop

As a young child, elementary school age, I distinctly remember a teacher telling a student that she needed to keep going and stop complaining. I wasn't the one being reprimanded but I heard and listened. I didn't like to be singled out and noticed and keep going and stop complaining was a great way to remain anonymous if done correctly. And wow, I really learned to do it correctly. I embraced multitasking. I could always add another project to my plate even if it was overflowing. I learned that sleep was for idlers. I could stay up longer and later and get everything done. In college, I was able to carry a larger than normal credit load (I switched majors after 2 years and had to catch up to graduate in 3 years instead of 4), work a lot, and maintain a relationship with my boyfriend (now husband). I kept going and felt guilty if I complained. I very rarely said no to adding anything new because I believed I could do it all.

When my daughters were young, I traded volunteering for working but took it on as a full time job. I joined every group and then quickly got onto the executive committee or as close as I could. I attended every general meeting and every event and every committee meeting and every executive meeting and every class and every informational session and at times began to feel used up and exhausted. But keep going and stop complaining was so deeply inside me that I never even thought of doing it another way even though this attitude was beginning to take its toll.  

When my son was born, my daughters were in preschool and I added in PTA meetings and room mother responsibilities.And now that they were older, we also had to add in extracurricular activities and weekend birthday parties. The weekends were now full. Juggle, organize, keep going, and never complain. Time passed and I kept going. Eli turned one and as his birthday passed I developed a kidney infection. I had two in the past. One when my oldest was 2 months old and one when my second was 6 months. I didn't really think too much about it. I was busy juggling, keeping going, and maybe occasionally minimally complaining.

I didn't think about the fact that the kidney straddles the sacral chakra and the solar plexus chakra. It never entered my thoughts that these energy centers in the body could be blocked and that my body was trying to tell me something. And then I got a second kidney infection and then another and then another. There would be 17 in all before the year was over. After the fourth, my body had my attention.  I tried all the natural things and it took the edge off but I kept going and only slowed enough to have my appointments. I attended meetings, events, activities, and more and kept going.

The infections kept coming and I looked to conventional medicine to no avail. The process was slowed but the infections kept coming. Every natural and conventional practitioner gave it their all. I was told that everything looked perfect, my organs weren't scarred and looked pristine, and that they weren't sure how to help. But I was getting sicker. I finally started to get the message. Keeping going was getting harder. Fevers of 105 were taking their toll and I knew I had to find another path. 

I acknowledged that the kidneys did straddle the second and third chakra. I looked closer and realized that when  the second was out of balance it showed up as a lack of well being and when the third was out of balance it showed up as an inability to maintain boundaries. And both presented as illness in the bladder/kidney. WOW! I began to assess my priorities and recognized that I came first and my family came second and that many of the jobs that I had taken on needed to be delegated elsewhere. As I decluttered my mind and personal space the infections slowed and with just the right combination of self care DAILY and healing modalities, the infections stopped.

I began to notice those around me and realized that the mantra Keep Going and Stop Complaining is firmly ingrained in many people. It is destroying us. It is destroying our personal health and ability to be present for ourselves and others. It is definitely okay to say "NO, I can't do that". It is okay to say "My plate is full". It is okay to say "I'm not doing that today. I'm taking care of my needs". It's okay to say "I'm able to only do three things today. The others can wait till tomorrow". We need to ask for help. We need to OFFER help. We are allowed to complain if the job is too much. We MUST listen to complaints without judgement and acknowledge that some jobs are too much for one person. We don't have to do it all. We can't do it all. We need to once again be a community not a group of loners living in the same community. It is time for Keep Going and Stop Complaining to disappear and never be heard from again.

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